The other day I was sinking into my sofa, laughing at this video on Insta. A 32-year-old recording herself in a bar, 100% confused about what she wants to do with her life. Sometimes, she wants to live and travel in a van. Other times, she’d rather sell all her stuff and live in the woods. Or how about buying a 1-euro house in Italy? Etcetera. Thousands of 90s kids liked and commented. Thousands resonated with her.

It’s not all of us, but it’s impossible not to notice the pattern. So, what’s up with that? What is it with us millennials? Why are so many of us “lost”? I believe half of the answer is that we’re paralyzed with indecision because there’s so much to choose from. I explore the other half in this article.

It’s comforting knowing that I’m not alone, but how does that help in the long run? In these times of multiple-choice questions, practicing self-compassion would be the wise thing to do (not only for millennials, of course). Meditate. Be nice to ourselves. Snuggle under this warm collective blanket of relatability until we’re relaxed enough to make a fulfilling choice, or any choice at all.

But like she says in the video, and the way I feel as I’m writing this – there’s the chase. The restless hearts. The desire to achieve and the inevitable truth that without a clear choice, there’s no action. No action, only dreams. But what are we chasing? And is the chase a negative or a positive thing, or both? So many questions, so few answers. 

When looking for answers, the past is a great place to start. In many ways, childhood in the 90’s was the best because millennials were the subjects of the biggest flip in history. We can agree to disagree, but let me explain.

The 90’s were pure until they weren’t. We were kids who spent long days playing hopscotch and hide and seek. We were kids who walked around the neighborhood for hours on end. Finding new spots to sit and talk for hours without distractions. And that was legit entertaining. We were kids who compared our lives with two tribes: their classmates and neighbors. OK, and some of us compared ourselves to celebs on MTV. Kids who called each other on the landline because there was no other way. We were kids who showed up unannounced at our friends’ houses. Most days, our highlight was knocking on their door, waiting to see what would happen on the other side. Excited but patient. Waiting and boredom were natural states of being. We were kids.

But then the internet happened. An insane event that electroshocked our simple lives and brains. Thinking back on it now, it feels like it happened overnight. One moment, I was spending 95% of my time playing with my friends or Barbies. Next thing you know, I was absorbing a new dimension inside a screen that contained the world in real-time. Where you could shop for anything and “download” stuff. What the hell?

Soon enough, bigger desks with enough space for a mini-TV replaced the playful spaces in our innocent rooms. On top of that, phones became mobile. I remember when I got my first Nokia. A crystal-clear memory, a historical moment. I was so excited that when I walked on the street, I’d sometimes pretend someone was on the other line so that people could see me use it. Like it was a magic wand. Suddenly, life was cool – whatever that meant.

Of course, kids before us also lived as kids. The difference is that their formative brains weren’t faced with an abstract phenomenon on the same scale as the internet. Television was a huge shift, but it didn’t come close. Gen Z too, had a short time of tech-free living. We could argue that even in 2023, some children get to live more simply. Unfortunately, that tends to be more out of necessity. Kids who don’t have the means for technological advances. Still, whether they have a phone or not, maybe 90% of kids today will make a Tik-Tok video by the age of 8.

In short, I don’t think millennials ever recovered from that wonderful shock. Technology exploded, and our minds with it. In many ways, we’re the luckiest. We got to see it all unfold. We got to have a long innocent childhood while also growing up tech-savvy. In other ways, we’re cursed. Cursed with confusion. Some rare millennial specimens have landed on something. Something that makes them feel “This is it.” The few of us who had the proper guidance or the right genes. The rest of us might never stop looking.